We all dream big. You can feel that excitement buzzing through your body when you picture your dream life, right? The dream business, the freedom, the success, the confidence—all of it. But just when you’re ready to take a step forward, something holds you back.
You start doubting.
You delay.
And suddenly, that dream feels miles away.
That, my friend, is self-sabotage at play.
But what exactly is self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage happens when our actions—or lack of action—get in the way of the things we truly want. It’s sneaky, it’s subtle, and it often happens without us realizing it.
But why does it happen?
Well, the answer might surprise you: self-sabotage is actually our brain’s way of keeping us safe. Your brain, especially your subconscious, is wired to protect you from danger.
And to your brain, anything unknown = danger.
Back in the days of wild animals—think tigers and mammoths—our survival depended on avoiding anything new. Even something as simple as a berry could’ve been poisonous. A new situation could mean danger. So our brains naturally held us back from trying anything unfamiliar. And even though we’ve evolved, that same wiring still runs behind the scenes.
Whenever your brain encounters something new—whether it’s a new business, relationship, or goal—it sends off warning signals. It does not matter to it that it is something that you want. Something that is way better than you have right now.
No, your subconscious is scanning for danger 24/7, trying to stop you from stepping into the unknown because it thinks “new” still equals “dangerous.”
Now, I don’t want you to start to hate your subconscious for doing this.
It’s not the enemy. It’s just trying to keep you safe.
How?
By sending making you feel fear.
Now on a spiritual level, fear is actually there to shine light on all your beliefs, that are not aligned with who you truly are. Fear only shows up, to tell you, that you have a limiting belief, that is holding you back from being your Highest Self.
So instead of fighting it, we need to listen to that fear.
Why?
Because fear is like a messenger with a package for you. And until you open the door and accept the message, fear will keep knocking. Ignore it, and it just knocks louder until it’s pounding down the door, demanding your attention. Ignore it more, and fear kicks down the door into your face.
It’s like a howler in Harry Potter—ignore it, and it explodes. So what’s easier? Opening the door calmly and reading the message, or waiting until the door gets blown to pieces?
Exactly.
Let’s see this through an example:
Imagine you have a goal of becoming a millionaire. You might expect your brain to get excited about all the amazing things that come with it—freedom, traveling the word, working on projects that feed your soul, basically living the life of your dreams. And of course, you will feel excited. But at the same time, your subconscious will start to scan too…
Then, usually when it’s time to go for that goal, your subconscious starts firing off warning signals:
“What if I don’t know how to handle that much money?”
“What if I get into trouble with taxes?”
“What if my friends stop hanging out with me because I’m too rich?”
“What if people only want to be around me for my money, and I end up lonely?”
“What if I lose everything after I’ve gotten used to a luxurious life?”
Your brain starts spinning these fear-based stories because it’s drawing from limiting beliefs that aren’t aligned with your true self. This is fear in action, knocking on your door to show you these beliefs and invite you to look at them and clear them. And until you address it, that fear will keep getting louder. and louder.
Sneaky Self-Sabotaging behaviors: How You’re Holding Yourself Back
Now let’s dive into the sneaky ways self-sabotage shows up in your daily life, so you can start to shift these behaviors.
1. Procrastination
Procrastination is the art of putting things off until…forever.
You’ve got the goal—write a book, start a business, get in shape—but instead of diving in, you find yourself scrolling social media or reorganizing your closet (again).
Why?
Because deep down, procrastination is your brain’s way of saying, “Well I’m not sure if I want this happen. Better to delay!” And by doing that, you’re keeping yourself safe in the known, but also keeping yourself far from the life you want. It feels like you’re just “waiting for the right time,” but that “right time” never arrives when you keep avoiding the leap.
2. Perfectionism
Perfectionism tricks you into thinking that everything has to be flawless before you move forward.
But here’s the reality: perfection doesn’t exist.
The endless tweaking, revising, and overanalyzing stops you from ever hitting “send” on that email, launching that project, or sharing your art. It’s like you’re in this endless loop of almost-ready-but-not-quite, and guess what?
That’s not progress, it’s paralysis.
Perfectionism is self-sabotage in disguise, convincing you that if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing.
Spoiler: it’s worth doing.
3. People-Pleasing
Ever find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”?
People-pleasing is about putting others’ needs ahead of your own.
But when you’re constantly saying yes to others, you’re saying no to yourself. You sacrifice your goals, your dreams, and your time to make everyone else happy. And at the end of the day, it leaves you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled.
And your dreams deserve just as much attention as everyone else’s needs.
4. Overcommitting
Another way of being the yes man, but not for the right things.
You’re saying “yes” to everything— new work projects, social events—but your dreams are on the back burner, waiting for their turn.
Overcommitting is a sneaky way to avoid doing the real work.
It makes you feel busy (and who doesn’t love feeling productive? Which is actually false productivity…), but it distracts you from focusing on what truly matters. When you overcommit, you’re giving away all your energy and leaving none for your own goals.
Time to start saying “no” to things that aren’t serving your purpose and “yes” to what lights you up.
5. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Ever been in the middle of a great workout week, feeling unstoppable, then suddenly find yourself headfirst in the Nutella jar by the weekend, going at it like it’s your last meal?
That, my friend, is self-sabotage disguised as bingeing. You’ve been crushing your fitness goals, but then—out of nowhere—you’re ravenously undoing all that hard work.
What’s happening?
Deep down, bingeing is a way of avoiding those uncomfortable feelings, fears, or even stress that comes with sticking to your goals. It’s a quick escape, but it leaves you feeling worse and further away from where you want to be.
Whether it’s binge-watching Netflix, drinking, overeating, or scrolling through your phone for hours—these distractions feel good in the moment, but they’re keeping you from facing what really needs your attention.
That loving message fear is trying to give you.
The more you rely on these coping mechanisms, the more you sabotage your progress. They provide a temporary escape, but in the long run, they’re just barriers between you and your dream life.
And this brings me to my next point. The fears behind your self-sabotage.
This will be juicy.
Why Do People Self-sabotage? 4 Big Fears Blocking Your Success
It’s time to uncover the real reason behind that sneaky self-sabotage: those deep-rooted fears that are quietly blocking your path to success.
You will be surprised with some of these, I promise you that.
Fear #1: “It Will Be Too Hard”
Let’s say you’ve set a goal: writing a book.
Sounds exciting, right?
But almost immediately, your subconscious whispers all the reasons why it will disrupt your life.
You start thinking: What if I don’t have enough time?
What if I have to give up hanging out with friends?
What if this adds so much stress to my life?
Then you worry about what happens after you write it:
What if I have to go on a book tour?
What if it would mess with my relationship to be away that long?
What if it drains me completely?
Even the simple act of sitting down to write can feel like a mountain of exhaustion and stress before you even begin. Suddenly, your brain sees this whole book-writing dream as a stress, exhaustion, and disruption.
So what does it do?
It tries to keep you safe by convincing you to procrastinate. You find yourself not making time for writing, telling yourself you’re too busy.
But deep down?
You’re avoiding it because you’re afraid of the toll it might take.
Your brain is prioritizing this fear of disruption and exhaustion over your dream. And that’s where self-sabotage creeps in.
Fear #2: “I’ll Lose What I Love”
Another sneaky fear is the belief that achieving what we want will take away something we value. You might be manifesting a dream relationship, for example. But then, fear creeps in:
What if this relationship takes time away from what’s important?
I’ve felt this myself.
I’ve been manifesting my husband, but I also am in the middle of building my coaching business. And part of me feared that being in a relationship would pull me away from my work, leaving me with less time and focus for my business.
This fear was feeding off an old belief from past relationships. My subconscious clung to that experience and turned it into a belief: If I’m in a relationship, I won’t have time for my business.
But that belief?
It is not aligned with who I am. I know that my Highest Self can easily make the time for both the relationship and the business.
Maybe you fear that if you become a millionaire, you’ll lose friends, or outgrow your current life. Or you fear that if you change too much, you’ll lose your partner. If your self-love isn’t grounded, you may even fear you won’t find something or someone better if you let go.
But here’s the thing: what your soul truly desires is meant for you in the best way possible. The things that are aligned with who you are becoming will stay.
The rest? They will fall away to make room for what’s truly meant for you.
I am the living proof of that.
Letting go of a 7-year relationship was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was the best decision of my life. I am more myself than ever before: I quit my 9 to 5 job, I became a coach and I never felt more free in my life. I learned to love myself more than ever before and truly see my values.
And with my ex? We are actually closer than ever as friends. I can love him so much more now, that we let go of the romantic expectations and started building our dream lives separately, but in alignment with who we truly are.
I also feared losing friends when I stepped into the world of spirituality. I worried they would think I went “crazy” for talking about life purpose, souls, energy, human design, and all the spiritual stuff I was exploring. But here’s the beautiful surprise—my friendships grew even stronger. My friends were curious and supportive of my journey and even started to dip their toes in the world of spirituality.
Now how cool is that?
Fear #3: “It Won’t Be Safe”
This fear shows up in many ways, often unconsciously.
Take weight loss as an example.
You might have all the best intentions to get into your best shape, but then you find yourself binge eating or skipping workouts. It’s not just about motivation—there may be a deeper fear at play.
Maybe you learned that being seen is dangerous. Maybe you grew up in an environment where you learned that “pretty girls get attacked”.
Or there’s an ancestral wound of being seen as a woman. Your ancestors might have been healers or witches in a time when being visible wasn’t safe. That fear could be passed down through generations, making you feel unsafe when you pursue goals that bring attention.
This fear actually showed up in my goal to lose weight. I realized I had an unconscious fear of being noticed. When I dressed up nicely, I felt uncomfortable with how many people, especially men, were looking at me on the street. It didn’t give me confidence—instead, I didn’t feel safe.
This fear can also show up with money.
You might dream of becoming a millionaire, but deep down, you fear being targeted—robbed, attacked, or taken advantage of.
Here’s the thing—money doesn’t like fear. Money flows to those who love and cherish it, not those who are afraid to have it. Money is energy, and like all energy, it wants to move.
So, if there’s fear around having more, it’s time to explore and shift that belief.
Fear #4: “I Don’t Deserve It”
The last common fear that sabotages us from our dream life is the belief that we don’t deserve it. And this?
It ties back to self-love.
And yes, I talk a lot about self-love, but for good reason!
Self-love is the foundation of everything—your relationships, your success, your joy, your purpose. And most importantly, it’s the foundation for going after your dreams.
If deep down you don’t believe you’re worthy of that soul-aligned business, million-dollar life or dream relationship, you’ll hold yourself back.
Again, when fear shows up, telling you that you’re not worthy, it’s revealing the disconnect between who you think you are and who you really are.
The truth is, you are deserving of all your desires just because you have them.
And I will prove this to you right now.
Imagine this: before you even took your first breath, your soul set the stage for an incredible journey. It chose a purpose—a soul purpose—something deeply fulfilling that it wanted to experience in this lifetime. And guess what? Every little thing about you—your personality, your looks, your family, your friends, even your biggest dreams—was chosen deliberately by your soul to fulfill that purpose.
So your deepest desires aren’t random. They’re not just fleeting wants or the result of a “lack mindset.” Those desires that light you up? The ones that feel like they come from the very core of your heart? They’re planted inside you for a reason. Your soul wants to experience life through you, and those desires are your compass, guiding you towards your purpose.
So here’s the truth: the mere fact that you desire something proves you’re meant to have it. You’re worthy of every soul-driven desire simply because you exist. Worthiness isn’t even a question here—your desires are yours to pursue, with no conditions attached.
There are plenty of things I don’t want—like a Maserati or a yacht—but the things I do want? The family, to coach people, to have that one Ellie Saab dress, those are your true desires, aligned with who I am and what I’m here to experience.
And it’s the same for you.
If you’re dreaming of building a soul-aligned business, it’s not just about the income or the title; it’s about the impact you want to make. You don’t just want a successful business to have it sit on paper—you want a platform that lets you create meaningful experiences, support causes that light you up, and live in alignment with what feels truly fulfilling. Because these desires come straight from your soul, they’re meant for you. You’re destined to build something that feels deeply aligned and purpose-driven.
So, when that fear of being undeserving creeps in, remember: your dreams wouldn’t be in your heart if you weren’t capable of achieving them. They’re yours because you are meant to have them.
The tricky part?
Distinguishing between your true desires and what you think you should want because of external pressures. Get clear on what you truly want. Once you realize those desires are meant for you, that fear of not being enough starts to disappear. You’re worthy of your dreams, simply because they are yours.
Crush Self-Sabotage and Conquer Your Fears for Good
Step 1: Get Clear on What’s Holding You Back
The first step? Shining a light on those sneaky beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
What’s behind your self-sabotage?
Is it the fear of stress? Fear of being unsafe? Fear of losing something you care about?
Grab your journal and let it all out. Write down the fears that bubble up when you think about going after your dream.
Because here’s the thing: knowledge is power.
Simply bringing your fears to light can spark a powerful shift in your subconscious, setting it into motion to start clearing those blocks out of your way. So even the simple act of listing out these fears can be enough to kickstart the transformation!
Also, you can see what fears are really deeply rooted, that you may need help in clearing.
Step 2: Create Space for Your Best Life
Okay, now it’s time to tell the Universe you’re ready to invite in your dream life.
Take a few minutes—whether it’s meditating, journaling, or just reflecting—and say it out loud: “I’m ready to welcome my best life.”
Feel it. No, REALLY feel it. That is actually the trick to it.
When you can feel into this intention, you let that energy flow.
By creating space in your mind and heart, you’re opening the door for your dream life to walk right in.
Step 3: Fast Self-Talk – Look Back at Positive Change
Sometimes, we fear change because we forget how much good it has brought us.
So, take a moment to reflect on the changes that turned out to be the best things in your life. Maybe it was a career shift you didn’t expect to love, or a relationship that helped you grow.
When you see how change has improved your life, it becomes less scary and more exciting—like a doorway to something better.
Step 4: Future Self-Talk – Rewrite Your Dream Story
This one’s my favorite!
Take that situation you fear—where you imagine all the negative outcomes piling up—and flip it. Rewrite it so that this very experience you’re dreading becomes the most beautiful outcome imaginable.
Because here’s the truth: you’re an infinite creator, and you decide how to create your reality. That’s the basic rule. We don’t have to shape our lives by someone else’s story or the reality we’ve read about. Those were their choices. But you? You can choose differently. You can create your business with ease, with love, aligned with your purpose. You can enjoy the content creation, and you can discover the type of content that feels like pure flow.
This is exactly what I guide my clients to do—finding the type of content that lights them up, creating a business that’s both purpose-fueled and fun to live in.
So, take that situation you’re anxious about, then write the story as if you’re already living it, filled with joy and inspiration.
For example, if you want to write a book, you can write something like this: “The writing process is so creatively fulfilling. Inspiration flows, fueling me with energy, and I’m more present with my family and friends. I’ve met amazing people and visited inspiring places—all thanks to this book. It’s brought me incredible experiences and friendships. It made me a better wife and a more present mom. This is the best thing that ever happened to me!”
See how that feels? You’re already smiling, seeing it differently—reframing the whole journey.
Write this down. Let the ink seal the deal for your new story. Visualize yourself thriving, smiling, and feeling the ease and beauty of this path.
You’re the creator of your own story—so design one that feels amazing.
Step 5: The “What-If” Flip
And here’s the fifth tool—it’s one I’ve shared before, but it’s just too powerful not to repeat: the What-If Flip.
Here’s the deal: when we’re in sabotage mode, our brain loves to spiral, throwing out all the possible things that could go wrong.
You know the drill: What if this business eats up all my time? What if this book strains my relationships? What if this project takes me away from my family?
Whatever fears show up, catch them right then and there!
(That’s why having a list of your fears can be so helpful. It lets you recognize those thoughts as soon as they surface because they’re often subconscious.)
Okay, so the moment you spot that spiral starting, pause and flip it:
What if writing this book actually brings me closer to my loved ones? What if building this business gives me more time with my family? What if this path brings me the right people to build something beautiful?
Again, feel into the new scenario, because that is what gives it true power.
An then you feel that shift…
Suddenly, the resistance starts to melt, and taking action becomes so much easier. So go ahead—start that workout, sit down and write that post, reach out to the clients, or write the next chapter.
Flip that “what-if” script, and watch everything change!
You’re Closer Than You Think
You’ve been just one step away from your dream life all along. The only thing holding you back is the story you’ve been telling yourself—the fears, the doubts, the “what-ifs.”
But now? You have tools to reframe the fears and step into the life you’ve always wanted.
It’s not about taking giant leaps.
It’s about making those small, consistent, aligned steps toward your dreams.
And the best part? You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. The magic happens when you trust that every step forward brings you closer.
So, start today. Do the exercises.
- Get clear on what’s been holding you back and let those fears go.
- Create space for the life you’re ready to welcome.
- Reflect on how change has served you in the past.
- Rewrite your future with excitement, not fear.
- Play the “what-if” game, and let your mind wander to the best-case scenarios—because that’s where your energy belongs.
And most importantly, know this: you are worthy of your dreams.
You always have been.
It’s time to stop sabotaging yourself and start believing in the incredible power you hold within.
Because your dream life? It’s already waiting for you.
You’ve Got This.
Ready to dive deeper into your journey of self-love and purpose? Let’s connect! Whether you’re looking for tools to boost your self-worth or clarity on your soul’s purpose, I’m here to guide you. You can find more empowering resources and 1:1 coaching opportunities on my website.